3 Ways You Give Away Your Power (without even knowing it)

One of my goals for 2020 is to read more books. I'm currently reading 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, by Amy Morin. I've been thinking a lot about Chapter 2, "They Don't Give Away Their Power".

Over the past decade I've become increasingly aware of the ways in which I gave away my power. Believing I was in a bad mood because someone said something that hurt my feelings. Or thinking I was overwhelmed due to an overloaded schedule.

What I've learned over time is that the reason I feel sad, hurt or overwhelmed is because of my own thoughts. How I interpret the circumstances in my life determines how I feel and in turn, how I show up.

I set an intention to practice reclaiming my personal power whenever I noticed that I was feeling powerless or like I had no control over my life (this is an ongoing practice).

Giving away your power disrupts your sense of joy and peace across all areas of your life including career, health finances and relationships.

Here are 3 ways you may be giving away your power without even knowing it, and simple tips to take it back.

1. Playing the blame game.
   
   You think someone or something else is responsible for how you feel or for why your life is the way it is. Blaming others allows you to have a ready list of reasons, aka excuses, for why you show up the way you do.
   
   No one has the power to make you feel a certain way or control what you can or can’t do.
   
   Tip: Manage your emotional life by taking responsibility for how you feel and be intentional about the thoughts you focus on. 
   
   
2. Staying focused on the problem rather than the solution.
   
   Investing mental and emotional energy in the problem past the point of usefulness can be exhausting and only serves to keep you stuck. Ruminating leads to going around and around in circles and doesn't result in progress or insight that can help you solve the problem.
   
   Tip: Instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?", ask powerful questions like "What am I learning from this situation?" Direct your energy to move towards a solution by getting input from others you trust and then take action.
   
   
3. Forgetting you have choice. 
   
   Do you often hear yourself rattling off a long list of things you have to do? Or feel that there are so many things that you don’t have any control over?
   
   The reality is you don’t have to do many of the things on your mental to-do list; and you have more control than you think you do. 
   
   You always have the power to choose how you respond to any situation life brings. And you get to choose what you do with your time.
   
   ​Tip: Learn to discern between what you have control over (your thoughts, feelings and actions) and what you don't (the weather, other people's thoughts, feelings and actions). Then focus your attention on what you can control. Create reminders of your power to choose and use "I choose" and "I've decided to" statements. 

Now that you’re aware of how you may be giving your power away, you can consciously choose to stop.​ Aim for progress, not perfection. And know that you're not alone on this journey.

Which of the above do you relate to the most? Let me know in the comments below.

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