How can I quit working when there’s still so much left to do?

This is a question I used to ask myself often. As the work day should have been wrapping up, there were still unread emails in my inbox and unanswered voicemail messages, not to mention the list of unchecked boxes on my to-do list.

It feels like there was a time when I could feel a sense of satisfaction that I’d checked everything off my list and neatly wrapped up the day. With the advances of digital technology over the last decade, this is no longer the case.

When the electronic health record was being introduced, I was told that it would save time and create a more efficient workflow. This was far from the reality that me and my colleagues experienced.

After transitioning to a 9-5 corporate position, I quickly learned that the problem was not exclusive to medicine. After a honeymoon period during my initial transition, work creep began to grow and spread. Landing in overwhelm became a more frequent occurrence and fueled the need to work longer days and some weekends.

Just like in medicine, I began to long for holidays, cancelled appointments and vacation days as an opportunity to “catch up”. Fortunately, my tolerance for working this way long-term was zero.

I sought solutions from time management and productivity resources, focused on learning how to master the concepts of prioritization and inbox zero. I believed that if I could just find the right strategy, then all my problems would be solved.

While I was working on figuring out a more sane approach to work, I heard an episode of The Life Coach School podcast where Brooke Castillo was talking about overworking as a form of buffering.

Having worked for years in a pediatric obesity clinic, I understood the concept of buffering with food...eating in the absence of hunger, usually to avoid experiencing uncomfortable emotions. But, I had never heard it applied to working.

As I listened, I began to see for the first time how I could be using work to avoid dealing with feelings I didn’t want to feel. Staying busy kept me from having to focus on thoughts of losing loved ones prematurely...of worrying about the path my son was taking...of finding all the ways in which I was falling short of my goals to prioritize my health by consistently eating well, exercising regularly, hydrating and getting adequate sleep and rest.

For those of us who are in service oriented fields, overworking can be insidious and feel justified. I just need to check email. I’m just going to finish up this one thing and then I’ll shut down for the day. How many times have you picked up the phone to check email and got sucked in for way more time than you’d planned?

Now, I can hear some of you saying, but I can’t control my clinic or call schedule. I have to work long hours in the hospital. I’m not talking about this type of work. I’m talking about occupying yourself with work to keep busy. Work that could wait until the next work day. You’ll know the difference by the way it feels.

For those of us who are overachievers (you know who you are), there is a drive that propels us to work hard. This in and of itself is not a bad thing. It’s often what helped us achieve our success. But, if we’e not careful, we can move into an extreme end of the range where we are working in such a way that is not sustainable and threatens our health and well-being.

Working is familiar. Those of us who are physicians have been trained to work long and grueling hours. This shift our perspective of what is “normal”. It makes it easier for us to work harder and longer after training ends. When life brings us challenges that we think are difficult, it generates emotions that are uncomfortable, that most of us don’t want to feel. So we default to work to stave off those thoughts and feelings. Staying busy protects us from our feelings...or so we think.

In the long term, we are suffering unnecessarily because we are not addressing these issues. In addition to overworking, we may numb out with substances, overeating, overspending and/or over drinking. These are all ways of avoiding negative emotion. One of the problems with this defense mechanism is that you can’t selectively numb your feelings. When you avoid the negative emotions you’re also not fully experiencing the range of positive emotions available. We are not truly experiencing the fullness of our lives.

So, how do we stop overworking?

Here are a few suggestions:

• ​Acknowledge the problem: You cannot change what you don’t first acknowledge. Accepting the reality of buffering with work is a good first step on the path to addressing the issue. Spend some time learning more about the concept of overworking through articles (like this one), podcasts and videos.

• ​Recognize the triggers: As I started to better understand this concept, I began to notice the situations that were likely to lead overworking. Receiving news that someone I loved was experiencing a health challenge. Tasked with a new work responsibility that challenged my confidence to successfully complete it. Avoiding the conversation needed to address conflict with a friend, family member or significant other. Identifying your triggers will help you to see the overworking for what it is.

• ​Practice feeling your feelings: This may sound really simple, but it may not be as easy as you think. When your natural inclination is to avoid emotions, you’re probably built up some pretty strong defenses over time. Be kind and gentle with yourself in this process. Name the emotion that is present and say to yourself, “I’m willing to tolerate this [emotion]”. If there is trauma involved, you may need to work with a mental health professional to help you with exposure to difficult emotions. Ask for help and seek professional care as needed.

• ​Set realistic boundaries around work: While there may be things about your work schedule that are beyond your control, start by focusing on what you can control. If your work day is supposed to end at 5 (based on the last appointment or meeting), think about how much time you want to commit to wrapping up your day and barring any unforeseen emergencies, stick to it. Creating a start up and shut down ritual for work can help your mind prepare to be in work mode vs home mode. Use your commute as an opportunity to transition from one mode to the other. If you’re working from home, find an activity to represent your commute - take a walk around the block, do some yoga or change your clothes to signal to your mind and body that the work day is done.

• ​Find community: Knowing that you’re not the only one who experiences this can be very powerful. In my experience, trained professionals are often at higher risk of overworking. This includes physicians, attorneys, psychologists, etc. Hearing others share their triggers and success strategies to address the overworking can be incredibly helpful on your path. Check out social media groups on Facebook, LinkedIn or Instagram where these conversations can be had. And if no one is talking about the issue, bring it up yourself. I promise you won’t be the only one who is facing it.

I have used each of the above strategies to help me on my own journey, in addition to coaching and therapy. I consider my coach and my therapist as a part of my inner circle success team.

The return on investment has been priceless. The photo above was taken from my recent trip to Kauai with my wife where we were both able to completely unplug from work and spend quality time with each other and ourselves.

I plan to write more on this topic of overworking as I’m finding through conversations with physicians and other professionals that this is a more common issue than I originally thought.

If you have a specific trigger or strategy that you’d like me to write about, please send me a personal note at [email protected].

And if you are a physician who would like to be a part of a community talking about issues like this, I invite you to join The Physician Path Reimagined.

This week the CDC issued guidance on relaxing COVID-19 restrictions. Within my diverse social circles, the news has been both distressing and exciting.

As we prepare for the world to re-open, it’s understandable to feel ambivalent. Even for those who have strong opinions about the guidance on either end of the extreme, there is likely to be some doubt and insecurity that lurks beneath the surface generating more questions than answers. Is it safe to travel? If people who haven’t been vaccinated stop wearing masks will me and my loved ones be at greater risk? Will there be another surge? What about our children who don’t yet qualify to receive the vaccine?

There will be many more questions that arise in the coming weeks along with changes such as office re-openings, removal of mask requirements in public spaces and increased travel, just to name a few.

So how do we approach re-entry and the return to “normal”?

My good friends Maggie Reyes and Dr. Michelle Pearce had an enlightening conversation on this topic offering practical wisdom and sage advice.
You can listen to their conversation on iTunes, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-marriage-life-coach-podcast/id1497166414?i=1000521036558

Here are a few of my takeaways from their interview to help you navigate the transition:

Remember your power to choose
We always have an opportunity to choose what’s next...in our life, our relationships and our career. It’s easy to believe that we don’t have any say in how we live certain aspects of our life. When you say “I have to get up and go to work”, know that whether consciously or unconsciously you are making a decision to go to work on a day to day basis. It may be because you are inspired by the work that you do, you’re motivated by the compensation you receive or you fear the repercussions of not showing up. Regardless of your reasons, you get to choose. Understanding that simple, powerful truth can make all the difference in the world.

Intentionally create your “new normal”
For many of us, the pandemic provided an opportunity for us to slow down and pause the busyness that was our daily existence. As the world opens back up, you can be more deliberate about the life you want to create. In talking to family, friends and colleagues over the past year, many expressed how grateful they were for more quality time spent with family and a slower pace of life. There were also concerns about increased snacking and lack of consistent movement that resulted in unintentional weight gain as well as increased use of substances like alcohol and recreational drugs to manage increased anxiety and depressive symptoms. Take some time to reflect on the past year and determine what worked and what didn’t. Note anything you felt was missing. Then, be selective about what you keep and what you let go of.

As Dr. Pearce said, “We get to imagine, recreate and renegotiate what our lives are going to look like moving forward.” For me, I realized how much I was craving more space and time to simply unplug and give myself permission to rest mentally, emotionally and physically. At the start if this month, I set an intention to nurture all aspects of my being. I will allow this intention to guide my decisions over the coming months, saying no to things that will make it difficult for me to truly nurture myself and cultivate greater physical and emotional well-being.

Go at your own pace
You may or may not be feeling ready to return to life as we knew it. Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible for us to go ack to the way things were. The past year has been traumatic for many and as with any form of trauma, it takes time to heal. Only you will know what makes sense for you. Don’t dismiss that inner guidance. Our approach to life in a post-COVID-19 world will not look the same for everyone. Go at your own pace. Be patient with yourself and with your loved ones. During this time of tremendous change, practice kindness and compassion, for yourself and others and suspend judgment. We will come through this stronger. And we will heal.

​It helps me to remember that I’m not in this alone. And to honor my feelings as they arise...taking each day as it comes and not leaping to far into the future.

I’m curious to know how you are feeling about the guidance and how you plan to navigate this transition. Let me know in the comments below or send me a personal message via email, [email protected].

​