It's one of those days. You know the kind where it seems there is a secret plot to drive you insane. 

It's the day when you feel like everything is conspiring against you. And there's no time to regroup. You're getting hit with one punch after another. 

When life doesn’t go according to plan

It can be really challenging to rally when it seems like nothing is going your way (and you find yourself pleading with life to just give you a break).

I'm here to remind you that although there may be chaos swirling around you, you can still access a well of calm within you.

Here are 3 suggestions for finding greater calm in the chaos:

• Check in with yourself - Start by pressing pause and turn inward to assess how you're feeling in the moment. Rate your feelings of calm on a scale of 0-10, where 0 is a complete absence of calm (maximum internal chaos) and 10 is an abundance of calm (maximum internal calm). Take one action to help move the needle in the direction of increasing calm - step out into nature, take a breath and remember to exhale, go for a walk, listen to music, etc.
  
  
• Practice surrendering - Ask yourself what you need to let go of to create more breathing space during this chaotic time. Maybe it's taking a step back to see how you can simplify life to free up more mental, physical and emotional energy. Or it could be releasing an outcome that you're very attached to that doesn't seem feasible. Sometimes it's just asking for help and being reminded that you're not alone. Resistance creates stress and leads to feelings of dis-ease. Allowing invites a greater sense of flow and ease which leads to a greater sense of well-being. This is the power of surrender.
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• Summon courage - When our life feels like we're in free fall, we grasp at anything that will give us a sense of control. Sometimes, we are focused on the uncontrollable - we want the situation to be different than it is, we want people to be different than they are. Remembering that control over anything except your own behavior is an illusion. So focus on what you have control over - how you think about the situation will determine how you experience it. Don't add on any unnecessary suffering.

Keep this list handy as a reference whenever you're feeling like life (and work) are chaotic.

May you more easily find your way to the path of your well of inner calm.

When was the last time you sat down to plan your career path, outside of a required annual employee review? If you're like most people, you may not be able to remember.

Setting yourself up for success in your career starts with consistently investing time to nurture and develop it. Whether it's monthly, quarterly or annually, creating a system to reflect, review and plan your career path is key to maintaining fulfillment.

You get to define what success means for you. Not everyone is interested in climbing the ladder to the C-suite. Success may mean taking on additional responsibilities in areas that are meaningful to you, learning new skills to help you hone your craft or transitioning to a new role or industry.

Here are 3 essential elements to consider in your career planning to keep you on the path of success:

1. Intention - Set your intention for what you want to accomplish in your career. Why is that important to you? When you are clear on what you want and why you want it, you can then begin to align your daily intentions with the big picture. Write down your intention at the start of each work day. What do you want to create today? How do you want to show up today? How do you want to experience this day. How will this help you to move forward along your career path? Focusing on questions like this can help you to feel a greater sense of satisfaction as you reflect on your day. If you don't remember to set your intention when the day begins, ask yourself these questions whenever it crosses your mind. These intentions will serve as your guide for your work day.
   
   
2. Action - Setting a goal to transition to a new industry or to step into a leadership role can feel overwhelming. You may delay taking action or instead focus on passive action like watching educational videos/webinars, reading resources, etc. Activities like this will keep you busy, but it won't ultimately move you towards your goal at the pace you desire. Instead, focus on taking results-driven action steps to boldly move towards your goals each day. Focus on the 1 think that could move you forward in the process to minimize overwhelm. In working with physicians who want to transition to a nonclinical career, I often hear them say that they don't have the time to invest in the job hunting process which is so different and foreign compared to applying for clinical jobs. I encourage them to think about what they can do in 10 minutes each day to move the needle, rather than waiting until they can find an hour or two of free time (for most physicians it means you'll be waiting a very long time).
   
   
3. Reflection - Pause to evaluate your career journey thus far. This includes your past accomplishments both big and small, your contributions and sense of impact. In my reflection, I also think about the little things that matter - being present to listen to a team member who is experiencing a challenge or offering to help brainstorm a solution to problem - as well as mentoring (paying it forward to support the next generation) and advocating for causes that are important to me. Next, rate where you currently are in your career. Knowing where you've been and where you are now are helpful in determining where you want to go next. This information will help to inform your goals and clarify what you want for the next stage of your career.  

Incorporating these elements into your career planning can help you to proactively direct your career rather than winging it and hoping for the best. Pay attention to thoughts and habits that are counter to your desired goals or put you at risk of sabotaging your own success. Be willing to let go of outdated, limiting beliefs that no longer serve you.

If you decide you want support with your career planning, seek out a mentor, coach or community of like-minded people who can provide accountability, encouragement and guidance.

​How often do you focus on actively planning your career? Let me know by sharing in the comments below.

Question: How are you?

Answer: I'm fine.

Question: How are you, really?

Answer: Well actually, I'm exhausted.

The above scenario is not an uncommon one. In speaking to team members, clients and friends, when asking the second question, the response is almost always different than the initial answer. I'm guilty of this myself, especially when the question is asked in the midst of a period of busyness.

While well-intended, the question, "How are you?" tends to elicit a habitual response. In our fast-paced world, we rarely take the time to pause and check in with ourself to see how we are. The follow-up question provides an opportunity to disrupt the automatic response.

After tuning in, many realize that they are tired, exhausted, depleted. When do you take your rest? Do you wait until you are completely exhausted or are forced to rest (illness, injury, etc.)? The natural thought that follows the awareness of depleted energy is a need to get more rest. It sounds simple, but getting the rest we say we want can prove to be challenging.

In exploring why it feels so hard to rest, I did some research and reflection and learned a few interesting things that I wanted to share.

There are many different types of rest.
When you think of rest, what comes to mind? If you're like the majority of the population, you think of sleep, but according to Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD, author and rest expert, there are 7 types of rest: Physical (includes active and passive forms), Mental, Sensory, Creative, Emotional, Social and Spiritual. She says that many of us are "rest-deprived". Noticing what type of rest you need is really important. Keep in mind you may need more than one form of rest depending on what's going on in your life. If you participated in a weekend educational conference that included a series of Zoom calls and online networking, you may need mental, sensory and social rest. That may consist of a day without screens, spending time outdoors in nature alone or with people where the interactions feel restorative and rejuvenating.
 
Rest will feel out of reach until you address the obstacles in the way.
We tell ourselves that we need rest and almost immediately our mind begins to run a long list of of very convincing reasons for why we can't rest. I spent some time reflecting on my own reasons (otherwise known as excuses) for why I don't allow myself to rest more. Here are the ones that come up most often:

• I don't have enough time - This thought is really poisonous. "Enough" is subjective and it seems that time is one asset that we rarely feel we have enough of. If we wait until we feel like we have enough time, rest will come infrequently, if at all. Be aware of the associated thoughts including I'm too busy and There's too much to do. Prioritize rest by scheduling it on your calendar as you would any other important appointment.
  
  
• Believing that rest = lazy - I grew up in a culture where rest was discouraged. There was always something to do (as evidenced by an adult relative stating they can find something for you to do if you were "just laying around with nothing to do"). I remember watching my aunt go from one activity to the next while silently willing her to just sit down and spend time with me during my summer visits. As I think of the women in my family and community I remember them always doing something. And while I now know that rest is not synonymous with laziness, it's taking some time to dismantle this belief. Identifying the beliefs that you have that get in the way of rest is important because once you are aware of them, you can then determine whether they are serving you and choose to let them go or keep them. 
  
  
• An unwillingness to experience uncomfortable emotions - When we create space and time for rest we may be greeted by unfamiliar and unwelcome thoughts and emotions. There is a reason for the global epidemic of busyness and overwork. We are chasing after serial accomplishments (usually without pausing long enough to acknowledge or celebrate them) and running from fears, doubts and insecurities. If you're busy for most of your waking hours, there's little time left to think about a troubled relationship, weight creep, dissatisfaction with work, etc. So what do you do? First, set an intention to be willing to tolerate and experience any emotion whether positive or negative. Next, notice what thoughts and emotions come up when you've planned time for rest. Can you allow the emotion to be there without fighting it, resisting it or fleeing from it? Practice tolerating it for just a few minutes and see what it feels like in your body. The more you practice, the easier it will be to allow it. And for those of you who overwork to avoid these feelings, remember that sometime the work that needs to be done is "not working". 
  
  

Having a menu of strategies to help me regularly incorporate rest can make a difference - When we're feeling exhausted and depleted it's hard to think of ways to more easily enter a state of rest. So here are a few suggestions to keep handy when you're ready to up your rest game:

• Rate how well you do with giving yourself permission to rest on a scale of 1-10 where 1 is rarely giving yourself permission and 10 is almost always giving yourself permission. Consider what is necessary to help you move up on that scale and take small steps to achieve that. Assessing your rating on a weekly basis is a good way to become aware of how much work you may need to do to allow yourself more rest.
  
  
• Identify your current thoughts and beliefs about rest. Be curious and explore your reasons for wanting to rest more as well as your resistance to rest. For each thought and belief, note whether the thought is helping you to reach your goal to get more rest or if it is an obstacle. For each obstacle, brainstorm strategies to overcome the obstacle. Decide whether you want to reframe the concept of rest and the meaning and value it has to you personally.
  
  
• Check in with your body periodically and notice physical tiredness, signs of tension (neck, shoulders, jaw, etc.) and other indicators that you're in need of rest. Make this a part of your morning or evening routine.
  
  
• Dedicate a space for your rest. It may be a chair, room, or area of a room that allows you to feel relaxed. Whenever you come across this space, let it be a trigger for you to think about when you will take your rest for the day.
  
  
• Practice experiencing rest by starting with small pockets of time. Set a timer for 5, 10 or 15 minutes. Notice how it feels. Does it feel rejuvenating? Are you noticing thoughts that generate feelings of guilt (I should be doing something other than resting right now)? Ask yourself why you may be choosing that thought and what thoughts you could think instead to help you savor your time of rest.
  
  
• Set a reminder to pop up on your phone, computer or calendar to take a rest break. Get up and stretch if you feel you need passive physical rest. Step outside for a few minutes. If you're at your desk, pause and close your eyes and do nothing for 2 minutes.
  
  
• Set an intention to make rest a regular part of your life and get clear on why you want to rest more. Knowing why it matters can be a great motivator when it feels hard to follow through.
  
  
• Cultivate rest as a habit. Look for opportunities to rest throughout your day. Make it a part of your self-care routine. Along with eating healthy meals, exercising regularly, maintaining adequate hydration, and getting the quality and quantity of sleep you need, making time for consistent rest is an important way to optimize your health and well-being.
  
  

Remember as you set out on this journey to focus on progress, not perfection. Look at it as an experiment where you get to see what works, what doesn't and what may be missing from your plan to help you get to where you want to be. Take time to track and celebrate your wins and learn from your losses.

If you're interested in finding more information on rest, check out the following resources:

• Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Renew our Sanity, by Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD
• The real reason why we are tired and what to do about it, TEDx Atlanta, Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD 
• Rest: Why you get more done when you work less, by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

 
Hopefully this article gets you to think about the last time you felt truly rested and encourages you to take action to remove your obstacles to rest. 

What gets in your way of rest? Share your top challenge with rest in the comments below along with any strategies you've found helpful.

​Let's start a radical rest revolution.

I was catching up with a friend and colleague and shared my recent decision to pass on an opportunity to pursue a new project that would require a significant investment of time on top of my usual responsibilities. Little did I know how timely that decision would be.

The impetus for making the decision came from a voice that whispered, “Create space and time to be there for your family.” Normally, I would believe that I could do both - handle all that I already had on my overflowing plate AND support my family. But, on this occasion the message caused me to pause and reconsider the habitual response.

Just a few weeks after that decision was made, my brother died. I was grateful that I had freed up time and space to be able t travel to be with my family and grieve the loss.

This is not the first time that I’ve been glad that I’ve listened to that voice. After entering my rank list for the residency match, while still sitting at the computer, I heard that voice ask, “If you knew you could go anywhere you wanted to go, where would you choose?” My answer was currently sitting at the middle of my list. It didn’t seem to be the logical choice as I was a newly single mother with a five-year old and no family in the area of that residency program. But, I made what at the time seemed like an impulsive decision to move that program up to the number one spot, rationalizing that I wouldn’t match there anyway so what difference would it make.

Fast forward to Match Day. I almost cried when I realized I’d matched to my first choice. Why wasn’t I happy? Because the logical side of me kicked in and shared with me a long list of all the reasons that this was a bad idea. For those of you who know me, you know how it turned out. It was the best decision I could have made at the time and I went on to have a long and successful career as an academician and clinician.

So what is this inner voice? Some people call it your intuition or gut instinct. It’s the sense that you feel when you walk into a room full of tension without anyone having to say a word. It’s the whisper you hear to change direction to avoid danger. Or the gut feeling you have when you meet someone that they’re not who they appear to be.

Your inner voice is the soft, gentle voice that helps to guide you and direct you by sharing wisdom. It is kind and intelligent and has your best interest at heart. It’s a kind of knowing or innate wisdom. It is not the inner critic which tends to be harsh, judgmental and sometimes just plain mean.

It’s helpful to listen to your inner voice as it can serve as an important guide in your life as you’re making decisions, both big and small.

Here are 3 simple steps to start listening to your inner voice:

1. Discern - The first step is simply in learning to hear the voice. There is often so much noise in our world that it drowns out the soft inner voice. When you’re constantly busy, there’s not much time to hear it either. Slow down and create some space in your day for solitude and stillness. It may be first thing in the morning before everyone else is up. Or late at night if you’re a night owl. It may come to you while you’re in the shower, during a drive or while out walking/running. The key is to carve out time for you. This is usually when the voice is more active and can get your attention.

2. Decipher - Once you’ve heard the voice and it has your attention, the next step is to actively listen to the message. What information is the voice sharing with you? It may come in the form of a thought or a feeling. It can also be a sensation in your body, pleasant (gentle warmth flooding your body or chills) or unpleasant (GI discomfort, headache, anxiety) or a change in your behavior, such as disrupted sleep or eating habits. Treat the voice like a dashboard light that has come on in your car. It’s an indicator that’s designed to get your attention and let you know that you may need to check out your engine or oil level. In this case, be curious and see what information the message from your inner voice may be bringing you.

3. Decide — Now that you’ve heard the voice and explored the message, you get to choose what you want to do with the information. Maybe you take action in response to the information or you decide to ignore it. Whatever you decide, be honest with yourself about the reasons or your decision and commit to it. You can always make a new decision when you have more information. 

Set an intention to listen for your inner voice. It’s a practice - learning how to tune inward when there is so much in the outer world calling for your attention takes time and skill. Remember to focus on the progress you’re making and don’t expect perfection. 

What helps you to hear your inner voice? Share in the comments below or send me a private message to let me know, michelle@drmichellebailey.com.
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