One of my goals for 2020 is to read more books. I'm currently reading 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, by Amy Morin. I've been thinking a lot about Chapter 2, "They Don't Give Away Their Power".

Over the past decade I've become increasingly aware of the ways in which I gave away my power. Believing I was in a bad mood because someone said something that hurt my feelings. Or thinking I was overwhelmed due to an overloaded schedule.

What I've learned over time is that the reason I feel sad, hurt or overwhelmed is because of my own thoughts. How I interpret the circumstances in my life determines how I feel and in turn, how I show up.

I set an intention to practice reclaiming my personal power whenever I noticed that I was feeling powerless or like I had no control over my life (this is an ongoing practice).

Giving away your power disrupts your sense of joy and peace across all areas of your life including career, health finances and relationships.

Here are 3 ways you may be giving away your power without even knowing it, and simple tips to take it back.

1. Playing the blame game.
   
   You think someone or something else is responsible for how you feel or for why your life is the way it is. Blaming others allows you to have a ready list of reasons, aka excuses, for why you show up the way you do.
   
   No one has the power to make you feel a certain way or control what you can or can’t do.
   
   Tip: Manage your emotional life by taking responsibility for how you feel and be intentional about the thoughts you focus on. 
   
   
2. Staying focused on the problem rather than the solution.
   
   Investing mental and emotional energy in the problem past the point of usefulness can be exhausting and only serves to keep you stuck. Ruminating leads to going around and around in circles and doesn't result in progress or insight that can help you solve the problem.
   
   Tip: Instead of asking "Why is this happening to me?", ask powerful questions like "What am I learning from this situation?" Direct your energy to move towards a solution by getting input from others you trust and then take action.
   
   
3. Forgetting you have choice. 
   
   Do you often hear yourself rattling off a long list of things you have to do? Or feel that there are so many things that you don’t have any control over?
   
   The reality is you don’t have to do many of the things on your mental to-do list; and you have more control than you think you do. 
   
   You always have the power to choose how you respond to any situation life brings. And you get to choose what you do with your time.
   
   ​Tip: Learn to discern between what you have control over (your thoughts, feelings and actions) and what you don't (the weather, other people's thoughts, feelings and actions). Then focus your attention on what you can control. Create reminders of your power to choose and use "I choose" and "I've decided to" statements. 

Now that you’re aware of how you may be giving your power away, you can consciously choose to stop.​ Aim for progress, not perfection. And know that you're not alone on this journey.

Which of the above do you relate to the most? Let me know in the comments below.

It's hard to believe that another year is about to come to an end.  Where does the time go?

In past years, I've practiced a variety of end of year rituals that include creating a vision board, choosing a word of the year, and setting traditional resolutions, just to name a few.

While each practice provided some value, none of them seemed to provide the consistency of habits I needed to stay on track with my goals throughout the year.  

If you are leading a busy life, you know how easy it is to have your best-laid plans derailed by unexpected life events and increasing personal and professional responsibilities.

This year, I decided to take a new approach and created a simple 3-step process to set myself up for sustained success.

• Step 1:  Take stock of the current year.  Pause and reflect on the joys and challenges experienced during your year in review.  What were the highlights of the year?  What milestones were met?  What accomplishments are you most proud of?  So often we focus on where we're falling short or we continue to raise the bar and only note that we haven't yet reached it, failing to see how far we've come in this moment.  So stop to celebrate what you've achieved this year and identify what lessons you've learned from your challenges that you can take into the new year.

 

• Step 2:  Identify potential stumbling blocks.  In reviewing the current year, you are likely to find patterns emerge that may be responsible for thwarting your best efforts when it comes to accomplishing your goals.  On my review, I noticed several themes for these patterns including lack of consistent action and follow-through in important areas of my life like exercising regularly and eating healthy meals.  Upon further reflection, I realized that I was holding beliefs that were sabotaging my success.  A common belief was that I don't have enough time to exercise, cook healthy meals, etc.  Another was believing that my best years of fitness/a fit body were behind me.  Recognizing these beliefs now allows me to decide if they are true for me, and if not, I now have the opportunity to change them.    What patterns and beliefs may be holding you back?  Make a list and then ask yourself if they're true and if they are serving you to get where you want to be.

 

• Step 3:  Reverse engineer your success.  The second habit in Franklin Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, is "Begin with the end in mind."  When you know where you want to go, it's a lot easier to figure out how to get there from where you are.  What's your vision for the coming year?  Imagine yourself celebrating the fact that you are where you want to be in your life one year from now.  What does your life look like?  What does it feel like?  What do you need to let go of that may hold you back?  What do you need to support you in getting to where you want to be?  Once you're clear on the answers to these questions, you can begin to outline a strategy to move you from where you are to where you want to be.  Create 1-3 goals that will stretch you a bit outside of your comfort zone, but still feel doable.  Break each goal down into quarterly goals.  Then take each quarterly goal and create a monthly goal.  This will then inform your weekly and daily goals.

Remember to set up a simple system (not overly complicated or time-consuming) to review your progress at least weekly.  This will help you to see your progress, identify where you may be off-track and adjust your plan accordingly.  Find support and accountability to ensure your success.  Tell a friend or family member, find a trusted advisor, coach or mentor to help you make forward progress and overcome unexpected obstacles.

My outcome from this process is to be consistent, follow through, and keep it simple as it relates to my health and fitness goals.  These 7 words will serve as a daily mantra to keep me on track this year.  

If you use the end of ritual outlined above, let me know how it goes for you by sharing in the comments below.  

It's hard to believe that another year is coming to a close.  

Before stepping fully into the new year, it's helpful to pause to take a look back over the current year and look ahead to the coming year.

So this year, I'm starting a new ritual:  taking the last 2 days of this year and the first 2 days of next year to perform a "soft reset" - a kind of master reboot to restore life balance, recharge my energy, and realign with what matters most.

Starting this morning, I am prioritizing my own self-care - listening to my body for what it needs - nourishing my mind - body - and spirit.  Here is the process I've created for my new end of year ritual: 

1. Celebrate and appreciate your accomplishments:  the year can really fly by and it's easy to lose track of all that happened.  Ask yourself the question, "What did I do well?"  Making a list can show you just how much you achieved.  Having a hard time thinking of anything?  Go back through your calendar if you need a few reminders.  Take time to really appreciate what you accomplished.
2. Acknowledge your strengths and areas of growth:  so often we focus on the ways in which we fall short without attention to our innate gifts and how we might leverage them.   There is value in both identifying our natural talents that lead to a state of flow - time flies by and we are fully living our why - and giving ourselves credit when we stretch just beyond our comfort zone. 
3. Assess the impact of your work in the world:  now before you say, what kind of impact could I have on the world, think about the ways in which you make a difference in your family, within your friendship circle, at your job, in your community, etc.  As Mother Teresa said, "not all of us can do great things.  But we can do small things with great love."
4. Capture your lessons learned:  the moments that cause us the greatest pain are often filled with valuable life lessons.  These challenging times tend to be opportunities for growth, if we can see them for what they are.  Positively re-framing these difficult situations can stimulate the development of new skills that will serve you well as you continue on your life's journey.
5. Set your intention for the new year:  what do I want to create in the world in the new year?  This is the first question to ask to begin to plant the seeds for what you'd like to manifest.  One resource to help set powerful intentions is an article written by Dr. Deepak Chopra, author of The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success (a great read by the way).  To learn more about the process of setting intentions, check out the article,  http://bit.ly/1wohUzf. 
6. Decide on your theme for the year:  A few years ago, my coach introduced me to the concept of the word of the year.  Instead of setting resolutions that are generally forgotten by the end of January, this word serves as a central theme to guide your decisions as you move through the year.  Be advised that you may find an increased number of opportunities that seem to be the opposite of what you've asked for.  Remember that these are opportunities to practice.  Last year my word was "space".  I wanted to create more of it in my life - in my schedule, in my mind, and in my physical environment.  It turned out to be one of the busiest years ever, emphasizing how important space really was to me and giving me lots of practice of creating new habits to manifest the space I desired.
7. Create your vision end of year 2015:  Yes, I did mean to write 2015 - that's not a typo.  Fast forward to this time next year.  2015 is drawing to a close and you're reflecting on the year you've had.  What do you see?  Spending some time visualizing your accomplishments can help you gain greater clarity as you enter the new year.  Your vision is your core purpose.  It's the way in which you can uniquely change the world...or at least the corner of the garden you've been charged with tending.  I suggest letting your heart lead this process rather than your head.  Don't over-think it.  Create space to simply sit with the question and see what naturally arises.  

So this is my plan and yet I'm allowing for lots of flexibility, knowing that things don't always go according to plan.  Be gentle with yourself and honor where you are, wherever that happens to be in the moment.  What I'm hoping to gain from this process is a greater recognition and acknowledgement of my personal growth, the discovery of key insights that will serve me in now and in the future, and using the wisdom gleaned from this process to inform my actions in the coming year.

How about you?  Do you have a ritual that you use to close out or start a new year?  I'd love to hear about.  Please share in the comments below.

"Low Battery"
10% of battery remaining

How many times have you seen this message pop up on your smart phone or tablet?  

This battery alert is all too familiar for most of us who are plugged in non-stop, frustrated when our devices threaten to disconnect us from the world.

But, do you recognize the warning from your body that notifies you that your batteries are getting low?

Recently, I found that I'd misplaced one of my chargers.  The result:  using one charger to attempt to maintain 2 devices.  I didn't allow one device to fully charge before disconnecting it from its power source but still expected it to keep on working for long periods of time.

The realization dawned on me that we often do the same thing.  We don't always pay attention to how much charge we have and it's not until the alert goes off (or worse yet the device dies altogether) that we realize we need to plug in.

So, it's got me thinking about how consistently I plug into my Source to keep my battery fully charged.  As I develop a system to put into place to minimize the frequency of draining my battery completely, here is what I am considering to avoid hitting zero:

1. Identify what drains your energy and eliminate it.  Things like incomplete tasks or projects, unanswered email and voicemail messages as well as unresolved situations and conflict, all act to drain you of precious energy.  Make a list of all the energy drains that come to mind and create an action plan to plug the leaks until you can make permanent repairs.
2. Make time for rest and sleep.  Chronic sleep deprivation is a widespread problem in the U.S. today.  This is the time needed for your body to restore and support your physical and emotional health.  Remember both quantity (how much) and quality (how well) of sleep are important.  Set a cut-off time for work, develop a bedtime routine, and minimize distractions that may interrupt your sleep.
3. Engage in activities that naturally recharge your batteries.  Pay attention to the times when you feel like you are in flow with life.  Generally time will seem to fly by and you're fully present with what is happening within and around you.  For me, this includes being in nature, connecting with friends and family, practicing generosity, listening to music, and creating space for silence and stillness in meditation.

And finally, the recognition that my spiritual health is the key to maintaining my physical and emotional health reminds me that I need to consistently plug into my Source (who I call God) and nurture that relationship.  This is now my Priority #1.

I'd love to hear what makes your list and what you identify as your top priority for keeping your batteries charged.  

Leave a comment below.